Diary of a Cuban Madman

E-Mail is Hard, Part 2

Just wanted to share this e-mail I received from someone who fails at life, and e-mail.

I have been having a hard time getting my email to work, messages won’t send. 

 Thanks, M

This was an e-mail sent from the e-mail address that was supposedly not sending.  When I called them back, it was a call full of cryptic talk and a huge lack of straight-forward answers.  Bottom line is that they believe their e-mail is not sending, even though I received it, and even replied to it, so they could actually see that it did indeed send.

I’m amazed these people have jobs that help people live.

E-mail is Hard, Folks.

I was really hoping that I’d never run into a single person in my new job that would make me feel like I had to write a blog post about them.  That to me just means one of three things; They’re absolutely retarded, they frustrated me to the point of heavy annoyance, or it was a hilarious situation.  This woman was just retarded and frustrating.

I’ll start by saying this, if you don’t know how e-mail works, how to send it, or just the basics of what’s needed to send an e-mail, grab a hammer and hit yourself in the face.  Right now.  Just grab hold of that thing, and as hard as humanly possible, hit yourself right in your stupid face.  Oh, and don’t worry, hitting yourself in the head with a hammer isn’t going to do any kind of brain damage, because you already don’t have a brain, so there’s nothing to damage.

For those of you that for some reason have the mental capacity to read my blog, but still don’t know how to send e-mail, here’s a brief rundown of what you need:

• An e-mail client
• An e-mail account
• The e-mail address of the person you want to send to

This is really all you need, you don’t even need to have something to say, people send blank e-mail all the time.  Those people are retarded too, just not as retarded as the ones who don’t know how to send it to begin with.

So on to the actual dimwit I talked to.  We use Outlook Web Access for folks that are at home and need to check work e-mail.  This nurse calls me and she’s using it while at work because she says she doesn’t like the full Outlook client.  Now, if you’ve ever used webmail of any sort, it’s never as functional as an actual robust client.  OWA is the same, it’s just not as good as the Outlook client, but it’s still a good webmail client if you’re not dumb as rocks.  So this nurse starts out talking about how it’s not working and it’s broken because it won’t send e-mail, and OHMYGOD WHY DOESN’T IT KNOW WHO I WANT TO SEND TO?!

Me: Ok… So who do you want to send the e-mail to?

Nurse Ratchet: Amanda Rwaraviahadfwhatever, but I don’t know how to spell her last name.

Me: No big deal, if you know part of her last name we can check the Outlook Directory for it.

NR: That’s too much work, why doesn’t it just figure it out for me?

Me: Well, it tries to, but if there’s more than one person that matches the search, you have to be the one to tell the computer who you mean to send it to.

NR: That’s stupid.  I don’t see why it doesn’t just pick the right one.  What if her name is Cathy, and I don’t know whether it’s with a C or a K.

Me: … Then you need to ask Cathy how she spells her name.  The computer only knows the information that you tell it.

NR: Well this is definitely too much work then and it’s stupid.  This isn’t helpful at all.

Me: It’s just like a phone, if you don’t know how to spell the persons name, how are you going to look them up in the phone book to call them?

NR: That’s nothing like this, and I don’t appreciate you trying to explain it to me like that.  Calling someone is nothing like sending an e-mail.  Anyways, you’re not helpful at all.  *click*

I was completely dumbfounded at that point anyways, and felt like I had lost IQ points just talking to her, so I’m relieved she hung up.  Hopefully she’s smarter when it comes to dealing with patients, because she fails at computers.  I can just imagine her saying, “Ma’am, you need to be very specific where the pain in your spine is, is it L1 or L3, YOU HAVE TO BE SPECIFIC WITH ME OR I CAN’T HELP!!!”

Sanity Has Returned!

Just a brief update for the few people that actually read my blog-

The blog is not dead.  I will still be posting, just obviously not about work as I am still (willfully) unemployed.  It’s been 2 months to the day that I left my job, and I feel like I’m actually back to my old self.  I’m no longer the dead, horrible, shell of a man that I once was!

Since leaving work, I’ve done the following: (In no particular order)

Married my girlfriend/fiancee of 10 years

Visited family back in Florida

Visited my hometown in the Florida Keys

Honeymooned in the Keys

Went parasailing

Spent a week with friends in Washington state for the Thanksgiving holiday

Learned a little bit of how to make my own greeting cards using scrapbooking techniques and stamping

Planned a new trip to California for a week to visit more family and friends

Regained my sanity

None of these could have been accomplished while I was working.  I didn’t have the time, nor the motivation, to actually follow through on any of them.  If there’s anything to be learned from all this by anyone reading; Do what you love.  Don’t take a job because it pays well, take a job because you enjoy doing it.  The money may be great, but the price you pay in the long run for you own mental well-being isn’t worth it.

The End… Or Is It?

So I put in my two weeks notice at work this morning, and will no longer have to hear the insipid mumblings of retarded people anymore. Oh, and I also won’t have to deal with customers either! Cue the rimshot and cymbal crash! I kid about the dig at my coworkers. I love them all to death, and they are like family to me. You know, the portion of your family that gets their own separate table at the reunion because there’s something just a little off about them, so you don’t want them mingling with the normal people.  “What’s off about them,” you ask?  Well, they enjoy the mostly-thankless job of answering calls at a call center for a large bank.  To do that, you just have to be a little off to begin with, but I love them all just the same.

I rant a lot about my work, but here’s the thing, it’s not where I was working, it was what I was doing.  The job itself was absolutely horrid, didn’t pay what it was worth for the torture you endure, and it could turn a very nice person like yours truly into a cynical ass who ends up blogging about it.  The company I worked for and the people I worked with though were, and still are, absolutely amazing, and I hope they continue to be that way.  They were the reason I continued going in to work and not just saying, “The hell with it, I’ll go work at Starbucks!”

Now though, it’s time to move on to greener pastures, and hopefully an equally greener wallet with where ever I end up working next.  This blog will continue to exist, and I’ll still continue to write, but it just won’t be about the banking world.

Edit: Guess I should have mentioned this part, but at a bank, you don’t normally get two weeks when you put in your notice.  You put in your notice, and you’re generally gone by the end of day, or sooner.  It all makes sense really since in my position, they don’t want you putting your honest two cents into calls where you’ll end up saying, “You fucked up, lady! EAT THE FEES!  I’m going to enjoy the new indoor heated pool we built out of your overdrafts alone! *maniacal laughter*”