It’s been one of those days. We start off by four people calling in sick. Well, two calling in, and the third, after he already knew we were down two people, gives a shitty lameass excuse for why he has to leave early. The fourth looked legitimately sick, so that’s fine. The two who called in? Biggest waste of IT space ever. Four people down in my department makes my day turn to shit, tons of calls, tons of e-mail, and of the few people who are here, only two of them, myself included, are worth a damn.
So my last call, I have to give a hearty “Fuck you” to the local tech at the hospital. Fuck you, Tech-man. Fuck you in your stupid old man face. I swear to all that is holy that if you ever again tell a user that my instructions won’t fix their issue, and that you’d prefer to waste 4 hours of their day by running scandisk and defrag, that I’ll drive up to your hospital and punch you in your retarded mouth, you fucking moron.
We have a known issue caused by some group policy issues, and a new fix was put out last week, but the catch is that the PC needs to be rebooted to receive the fix. The issue causes some TCP ports to hang, which then causes all kinds of crap to go haywire including slowness on the network, and eventually causing the network connection to fail completely. The user was trying to install Adobe Reader via our network install, and it’s showing that it’s going to take 2+ hours to install, when it’s a 5 minute install. I tell him to reboot, he says he’ll do it, we hang up. He calls back two minutes later and says, “Oh, the local tech said that rebooting won’t fix it and he wants to run some cleaning applications.” So basically, the local guy tells the user that I don’t know what I’m talking about, and makes me look like an ass, when it’s a well known and documented issue.
So screw you local guy.
Seriously, maybe if I did that, people would stop calling with retarded shit that they could deal with on their own. I realized today that this is the issue with most people when they have an IT department available to them at any time. If the normal end-user is at home on their own PC, and shit starts going south, they have about three options; One, they can pay someone like Geek Squad to fix their PC. Two, they can attempt to work on it themselves by using Google to figure out what the hell is wrong. Or three, they can reboot their stupid ass computer because that fixes about 75% of most normal users issues.
So if you would normally reboot your retarded POS computer at home when crap goes weird on you, why the hell don’t you do that at work, and save yourself the time of me looking at it and then me asking you to reboot the thing? Oh, that’s right, because my services are free to you. I bet all the tea in China that if we had a little saying at the beginning of our call tree that said, “This call will cost $5, deducted from your paycheck directly,” that every single user would reboot their computer first to see if it’s a one-off issue like a botched TCP/IP stack, or if something is really broken that needs direct interaction from a tech.
Don’t get me wrong, I love helping people, and stupid people keep me employed, but what I don’t love is the fact that people know that a reboot is what’s going to fix their issue, but they get attitude when asked to do it. This happens way too often, and it’s usually doctors, a doctors assistant, or a nurse that’s been told to handle the situation for a doctor. The typical response from a doctor is, “I’m way too busy to deal with this, so instead of troubleshooting, I’d like for you to just send someone out to my location.” I’m not dispatching a tech just to reboot a stupid computer for you because you’re too afraid, or think you’re too important, to be doing some basic troubleshooting.
What’s my fix for this issue? Easy. I force a remote shutdown on their computer no matter what they’re doing. If you’re going to tell me that you’re too busy to deal with your own PC, then I’m going to do the work on my own schedule and the hell with yours. Yeah, I’ll be nice about it, and I’ll give you a 2 min shutdown window that you better use to save whatever you’re working on at that moment. Next time, if you want more of a window, then make some time to work on it.
Just a quick rant here in an open letter to the woman in medical records I just talked to.
It doesn’t help you, or me, to overexagerrate the problem you’re having with your computer printing. If it works fine when printing in Word, or doing a Windows test print, then tell me that. Don’t tell me, “Oh, well it takes 10 minutes for the print to send from any application I use!” That’s bullshit. You know it, and I know it. So when I remote into your computer myself and run a test print and it sends immediately, don’t act all surprised that it’s working there.
You have a legitimate issue with printing, but it’s in a specific application, so just tell me that and I can send it to the analyst for that application so they can fix you up in 5 minutes. Your lying to me does nothing but cause more work, and then possibly make it so that I dispatch a local tech because you insist that it’s your entire . If that happens, you could be waiting up to 24 hours for your problem to get solved. I personally don’t care how long it takes for your problem to be fixed. Once I send it off to a tech or an analyst, it’s not my problem anymore, so just be upfront and honest with me and we can get your shit fixed in a minimal amount of time.
It may work with your poor husband at home, the whole, “The sky is falling, the sky is falling!” and all you need him to do is change a damn light bulb, but I’m not your husband, so that shit doesn’t fly with me. Stop it. Seriously.
I’m planning on making this a normal thing, this whole posting thing that people talk about. So in an effort to post more, I’m going to start posting things that absolutely amaze me. This could range from idiotic things coworkers say or do, or things that end-users say or do. So I’ll try and make this a daily, or every other day, regular segment of my blog.
Let’s start off with something all end-users do, and logic never once sinks in as to why they should do it the right way.
Me: Well, what’s the error on your screen say?
User: It says, “An error has occured in…” You know what, it’s just really long and I don’t understand what it means.
This makes me slap my forehead every time. Guess what, you called IT, numbnuts. I don’t care if you don’t understand what the error means, but you have to use that brain of yours and actually read the error to me so I can fix it for you. It may be crazy, complicated moonspeak, but it’s still in English.
Here’s one from a coworker, and this one absolutely blows my mind. We use Microsoft Communicator to chat and ask questions of the rest of the group, and get different ways to do things. This particular question, to me, is unacceptable for someone who calls themself a tech.
“Tech”: How do I check if someone’s spooler services are running?
Maybe I just expect too much from my own team, but how to check if a service is running in Windows is a pretty rudimentary task. It’s actually in the software portion of the A+ exam; that little tiny exam that says, “You’ve shown enough skill to call yourself a competent computer technician.”
Here’s my last item that amazes me, and it’s something many many people do no matter what industry you’re supporting. I blame this on simple people having computers at home that are way too advanced for the user. People who only surf the web and check e-mail at home, shouldn’t be spending money on i7′s or even quad-core hardware. We don’t run old hardware here at work, pretty much everyone is running a core2duo @ 3GHz w/ 3GB of RAM. The issue is that there are some applications out there that are just poorly coded or not optimized, or even worse, coded in shitty Java code AND not optimized, like the following program the user was trying to run.
User: So I try and run the application, and I double-click it, but nothing happens, so I double-click it again, and nothing still happens. I wait a little bit, and then double-click it again, but then if I do it one more time, it finally opens. After that, it runs really really slow.
Me: So how long do you typically wait for it to open the first time you click it?
User: About 15 seconds.
Me: … Well, you see, what happens is that you have to give it time to load. That fourth double-click didn’t cause it to load, the first one did, and then it runs slow after that because you’ve double-clicked it three more times, causing three more versions to load in the background.
User: My computer at home would never take that long…
At this point, I just remoted in to her PC and showed her how to properly do things. I double-clicked the icon once and told her to give it a moment. It wasn’t more than 10 seconds that I see her start to move her mouse to the shortcut to click it again. I had to move the mouse away off screen and ask her to leave it alone. Then, would you believe it, 20 more seconds pass and the program loads up. Amazing!